Torn...

I'm feeling rather torn these days. Torn between deciding to take a huge leap and going back to school or putting school off till our family is a little older. Here are the things that are weighing on my mind as I (we) decide what I should do.

• ASU had a great program called iTeach Dysart starting the fall of 2014. It is essentially getting your bachelors in elementary education and special education in 16 months. During the 16 months your are in a Dysart school ( the district my kids are in) 4 days a week and in an ASU classroom one day a week. You get tons of student teaching hours and get really prepared to teach in a classroom. You work in the Dysart school district so you are almost handed a job when you leave the program. The hours are really close to what my kids have when they are in school. I even have the possibility of being at the same school that they go to. Jeremiah's work schedule is great if I did it. Piper would only need a sitter on Monday and Friday afternoons from 12:30-4 or 5. The big kids wold only need after school care on Mondays and a tiny bit on Fridays. I would come out of the program duel certified at an elementary teacher and a k12 special education teacher. Jer and I both agree that I need something that will support us if he were to be injured or be killed in the line of duty. Teaching is all I have ever wanted to do. You don't have to worry about working holidays, your breaks match up with your kids' breaks and you have the summer off to spend with family. It would be a hard and stressful 16 months but I think it would be worth it. I don't want to drag out going to school forever. I have turned in my application just need to pay a fee. My transcripts are being sent to ASU this week. I am short a few classes so I'll have to take them this year so I can get in.

• Now for the part that tears me in two. We both know our family isn't complete. There is one more Joncas baby hopefully waiting to join our family. There is no way that I will leave a little baby at home. Piper will be close to 3 when the program starts. Even though it makes me so sad to thing I won't be with her everyday I know she will  be fine with her dad during the day and going to people's houses for a few hours on Monday's and Friday's. I just know I couldn't leave a baby at home. The program starts next year, then it would be 16 months after that until I would be done. That leaves such a huge gap and a wait for another baby to join our family. Going to school doesn't mean that the growth of our family would stop. It would just be put on hold for a few years until we were ready for a caboose baby. The financial aspect of going back to school is huge as well. It costs a lot of money to go to school. If I end up going I hope that grants and scholarships will pay for the bulk of it so that if we have to take out student loans they will be small. If we do take out loans I feel like I would have to work at least part time when I was done to pay them off. I think it will be close to $5k a semester. 

Lots of fasting and prayer in the next year to help me make this decision. Can someone just tell me what I should do... ;)

Things we learn along the way...

photo credit

• I found the thought above on Pinterest today. I love it. So many times I compare my life to those around me. What I have, what they have, spiritual knowledge to mine, and so many other things. I have to constantly remind myself that I am no where near the middle of my journey here on earth. Jeremiah and I haven't been married for years and years. Financially we are stable but just beginning to get to where we want to be. I have only been a parent for 7 1/2 years. I need to remember that we just started our life together. I don't want to miss this time we have now wishing we were in another part of someone else's journey.
• It is not my responsibility to please or make everyone happy. Maybe people won't or don't like me because of this, but really I prefer to spend my time with people who don't suck the happiness out of a room when they walk in. I am not saying everyone has to put on a happy, fake face all the time but expecting others to change you or how you feel isn't going to do much. 
• Its amazing how much better I feel about the day when I get up early, work out, shower, put a little effort into how I look and make my bed. I used to wake up with the kids, clean house, hang out in jammies till noon, shower and wish I had worked out. Switching up a bad routine can do great things.
• Dry shampoo. It's fantastic. I have a huge wave to the back of my hair. It is a pain to blow-dry. It takes soooo long to dry and straighten out. If it would dry nicely without all the work I would do that. But unless I blow it dry I look like a frumpy hobo. The last time I tried to grow my hair out I was washing and drying it everyday. It was unhealthy and brittle. Plus in the summer it was so hot to dry it. This time I have found dry shampoo. No I only dry my hair every 3 or 4 days. Cuts down on the time it takes me to get ready in the morning. I just spray it in and restyle my hair. Wonderful stuff.

Bedtime struggles....

I can sum up bedtime with one long exasperated sigh.

Hhhhhhphphphphsssssshhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

That is how it feels.

Piper is a super sleeper. It's jammies, baba, bear, blanky, lights out, see you in 12 hours.

Bode is much the same. Except he is sharing a room with Laine for the time being. Laine. Laine, Laine, Laine. She fights sleep like the plague. She is up and down. Screaming, laughing, singing or crying. It is exhausting. Not just for her but for everyone. Why is it that kids push you the hardest when you are tired, worn out and done for the day? Jer has worked the swing shift for as long as we have been living in the valley. So for 5+ years I have done the night time routine by myself 4 or more times a week. I am not complaining about Jeremiah's job. We are both very grateful that he has a job that supports us. It would just be nice to have an extra set of hand (to force Laine to stay in her bed).

It is like she wants to get in trouble so she can cry herself to sleep. We keep consistent bed times and routines. We sing a song, say a prayer and its lights out. For awhile I let her play her leap-pad to relax. That worked for a bit but not anymore. 

I have noticed that her going to school every afternoon has helped. She is ready to go to bed. She still pulls her little stunts but they don't last as long. 

All that being said, she is a sweet little girl. She prefers to wear skirts everyday. She loves to run errands with me. Laine is learning the primary songs and can sing a few of them by heart. She mostly just sings random church type words to little tunes. She like me to do her hair. She asks for "pink-tails" everyday. I love her. ne day we will figure out how to make bed time go more smooth.

The first week of school...

We finished the first full week of school for both of the kids this week. It was a good one. I was a little afraid that the every afternoon preschool might wear Laine out or that she would not want to go. I was wrong. She loves going everyday! She begs all morning long to go to school. She is so happy to have her own school, just like Bode's but smaller, and she says. 

Bode is really loving his teacher. She stopped me at the curriculum night and told me she is very impressed with him. She says that she noticed he is very aware of those who need help around him. Like there was a boy who was struggling with reading. Bode helped this boy by holding his finger under the words so he wouldn't get lost. He is a good boy. It makes me happy to know that he is good outside of our house too.

This week Bode got to ride his bike to and from school. The big kicker is that I didn't ride with him. He is tagging along with the kids down the street. It is Jalen and his older siblings. It makes me a little nervous. They are good to follow the oldest, ride safely on the sidewalk and cross at the crosswalk. The school isn't very far from our house. I have noticed he walks a little taller when he gets to ride his bike. There is such freedom and independence in those wheels. I'm glad he get to do this. I am also glad we have friends that don't mind him riding with them.

Piper has adjusted quickly to the house being quiet. She loves to pick up brother and sister from school though. She yells "Bowee" Nanee" when I tell her to get her shoes to pick everyone up. Speaking of shoes. She is officially obsessed with shoes. She loves them! She will frantically search for her own is someone else puts theirs on. She loves my heals and any flip flop she can get her toes through.

A friend of mine made a challenge to other mom's on facebook. The challenge is to not yell at your children. I had never considered myself a yeller. I yelled on the court in sports. My husband and I never yell at each other. I remember once in 8th grade I angrily yelled at girls in the locker room over stupid junior high drama. I was really embarrassed that I did it too. Very out of character for me. As my children get older I have noticed a bad habit of mine. I have yelled at my kids. If they haven't cleaned up, if they make a mess, if they spill milk. I hate that I do it too. I feel so guilty after my outbursts. I know I'm not alone in this but still, makes me feel bad that I do it. I joined in this challenge a few weeks ago and it has made a difference. I have worked really hard to keep my cool in situations that would have made me yell before. I'm not prefect. It has truthfully been really hard. But I have noticed that my children don't change their behavior if I get angry. They respond much better if I am stern but kind in my directions to them. I still have to yell up the stairs but I am not yelling in anger. I know that I won't be perfect at this but I am trying!

 

First day...

This sweet girl started pre-k today.

It was a bit of a hard decision to make. We have loved her old preschool teacher. Both she and Bode have gone to her. We had planned on sending Laine to her again this year. We just starting feeling like Laine needed a bit more this year. She is a bright little girl that love to be around people. She is happy to just lounge around the house but she was bored to tears. I started calling around to see if we could find somewhere for Laine to go for more hours or another day. We decided to go with the Dysart schools preschool program. Its 5 days a week for a few hours every afternoon. I hope it isn't to much for her. But I just think she is ready. I just love her!

Fancy dresses...

My little girls love dress-ups. 

Laine has had a long love affair with dress-up clothes since she was two.

Piper has just recently found out how fun they are. Laine pulls them all out and they both wear them all day long. They are getting pretty worn but that's ok. So many fun memories in each one.

Finally...

Nope. He is 7 and not one tooth has fallen out yet.

BUT we finally have a wiggly tooth!

The tooth fairy has been waiting to come to this house.

Don't wake the baby...

She doesn't wake up happy anymore.

First day of school 2013...

Look at this handsome kid! It's hard to believe that he is in 2nd grade. After a brief panic the night before he was anxious and excited to go to school.

We didn't get to walk him into his class this year. So we dropped him off at the gate and said goodbye! Off he went! I went into his class to help a bit later in the morning. He was happy to see me. I'm glad I went in. I am planning on volunteering in his class every other Friday this year.

These girl missed him. They love to play with big brother Bode.

The door shot. I don't want to see how much he grows this year. I'm sure it will break my heart ;)

Nutella...

Last weekend we went to Tucson for our new cousin Dash's baby blessing. This is the only picture I managed to take. We had a good drive there and enjoyed a wonderful evening with family. On the way home I let the kids have the snack I brought for them. They gave mine to Piper without me knowing. She enjoyed it.

*I swiped this pic from my mom's blog. I'm glad we were able to go see this little caboose if this Merrill family be blessed.

Going private...

If you want an invite to my blog leave me a message and I'll send you an invite. I'm giving it a day or two. If you still blog leave me your address. I lost all my blogs when google reader shut down,

Want to remember...

• This morning we had to get up a little early to go to Tucson for baby Dash's blessing. Laine got up a little late but still needed a shower. She wanted a bath. I needed her to take a shower because it was quicker. I told her if she would take a shower I would paint her toe nails. We ended up having more time than I thought in the morning, she reminded me to paint her nails, so I did. On the drive home in the evening she yelled from the back seat to me "thanks for keeping your promise!". I asked her what promise and she replied "You said that you would paint my nails and you did. Thanks mom, I love you!". I was glad I took the extra 5 minutes to paint her nails today. I wonder how many times I have said I would do something and broke my promises. Far to many I am sure. I can't say yes every time my kids want me to do something but I can say yes sometimes. I need to listen to them before I say no.
• Bode got to stay up in Pinetop for a few extra days with my parents this week. He had so much fun. I could barely get him to talk to me at all on the phone while he was away. I figured he was just growing up and didn't need me too much. One night Bode told my mom he wasn't feeling well. He was up and down all evening and told her he didn't sleep good. He seemed to be happy when we got him back today. Piper was happy to see him! She yelled "Bowweee" and ran to him. Later in the evening as Bode was going to bed he walked up the stairs and told me "If I wake up during the night its only because I miss my mom, but you're here now so I will sleep good". Melted my heart! He did miss me. After getting tuck in for the night he came to me crying with tears running down his face. He told me he was so scared he was going to miss me all day while he was at school. Then he just went on and on telling me he was afraid second grade would be to hard. He was worried they wouldn't do + or - anymore, only multiplication, He was afraid I wouldn't be at home when he got home. He only wants me to pick him up. He and I sat on the bed while he let all his fears loose, He didn't even want to go tomorrow. He finally decided it was ok if he could go if he could bring a stuffed animal. Well, since the animal was too big to take I found a little stuffed heart to take instead. (this is a pinterest idea, not mine. I just happened to remember it and have a little heart at the right time) I told him that whenever he missed me he could reach in his pocket to feel the heart and he could remember that I love him and miss him too. This seemed to perk him up. We wiped away the tears, I gave him a hug and he went off to sleep. He is such a sweet boy. I sometimes treat him older than he is. I need to remember that he is only 7 and let him be little.

A little Bode time...

Last year one weekend Laine got to go up to Grandma and Grandpa's house for a weekend. Bode has never forgotten it. He always reminds us about that time Laine stayed up there and her went home. Well this was his lucky weekend! We were packing up to leave and he asked Grandma if he could stay. Lucky for him, she said he could. He has been having fun! All summer he has wanted to have a lemonade stand, Its just too hot in the valley for one. He finally got to have one!

It only lasted so long.

The last trip...

The last summer hurrah...

Our last big adventure of the summer was a trip up the cabin with the Brooks cabin with all the Brooks's.

We all headed up through Globe so we could eat at El Ray. A must for the Brooks family on a trip to Pinetop. Of course it was closed. So we went next door... It was an interesting meal. A bad waitress who couldn't remember more that 2 drinks at a time. And chips and salsa with no bowls for the salsa. And  the room was so hot that we opened the door for a breeze. You know its hot when the breeze from the desert in the summer feels nice. Always a good time!

All the kids loved getting rides on the quad and golf cart. There has been so much rain in the mountains. There where puddles everywhere. My kids were screaming over and over to go through the mud. So I decided to have some fun. We when through every mud puddle we could fine. It was fun!

The highlight of this trip was being able to play with the Brooks cousins. They live in South Carolina so we don't get to see them that often. It took a little warming up but they were fast friends after that. 

We were eaten alive by the mosquitoes. Laine has 12 bites. She said they are driving her crazy! 

WE took a trip up to Hawley Lake. It was gorgeous! 

It was a fun trip! I enjoy being part of this family! I need to get the pictures of all the Face swaps we did one night. We all laughed so hard we had tears running down our faces. 

Camping...

All summer Jeremiah has wanted to take the kids camping. But ever week there where plans in the way. Finally we no plans so loaded up the car and headed up to the rim to camp. 

They fished and caught a bunch of little fish.

Laine found this little frog and Bode caught it for her.

She loved it so much she put it in her pocket to take home with her.

Rest in peace little frog...

The movies...

We have a knack for going to the movies in an empty theater. The kids really wanted to see Turbo. So we surprised them one afternoon. We hardly ever go to the movies unless we have movies passes.  I love my little family! 

Stretching our legs...

When I travel I don't like to stop. I prefer to just push through and get to the destination. With kids that is almost never possible, There are potty stops and snack stops. This was a stop on top of the rim. I was beautiful! 

Almost a terrible 2...

I can feel the change coming. She is slowly turning from a sweet little baby to a terrible 2 year old. Why must they grow up so fast? She is growing faster than the other 2 did. She loves to mimic everything we do and is learning more words everyday!

The Papa's

My kids love playing with all their cousins. These ones live too far away. I'm glad my sister makes the trip so that they can play and be friends. 

Cool weather...

It's so great to have a place to escape the heat in the summer. The kids don't seem to mind playing outside in the hot, desert heat. But I feel bad they don't get to play outside in the summer. I love being able to go to my moms house and let the kids run free. We brought the bikes up so we could ride, I was impressed with them. We rode clear up to the dollar store, which was pretty far. They just putted along. 

Lucky lady...

I'm very lucky to have this guy. He is a great father. He is so good to take the kids on adventures. They love going fishing, camping, 4 wheeling or just to the store with him.

Volleyball...

The 2nd annual Blue Ridge Volleyball Tournament was in July. This year all my sisters played.

I love volleyball! That's no secret. It was even more fun to play with my sisters.

We won the whole tournament.

Just wanted a nap...

All I wanted to do was take a nap.

So I set out a nice comfy blanket, a fluffy pillow, and set it up under the apple tree. 

But slowly my comfy spot filled up really fast,

The 4th of July...

Going to the 4th of July parade  in the White Mountains is one of my favorite summer traditions.

The kids lined up on the side walk, the good floats, the cruddy floats and all the candy. It is perfect. We always bbq in the afternoon then watch the fireworks in the evening. This year was no different. 

This kids got a good haul of candy and things. So much fun!

Cousins...

My kids love their cousins. I hope they are making good memories when we get together.

Sleep...

Sleep is always important. It is even more important when you are little and need lots of sleep.

Vacations really mess up sleep schedules. Well this little P had a few cranky days. This particular day she was up at 5 am. That's really early when you compare it to her normal wake time of 8 o'clock. I decided to take her for a ride. We got in the car at 10:02 she was asleep by 10:09. You can tell by the look on her face that she wasn't very happy about being made to fall asleep.